With life feeling more normal now that some of the fires in So Cal have been contained, I feel so much more like myself. My family lost some of their vineyard and had to do an emergency harvest to salvage the rest of the grapes. Apparently the wind just ripped the netting off of the grapes and tore it all to shreds, so now it is harvest time, though early, before pests begin to come in and eat the grapes once they smell the sugar. Marc's family is finally back at home and happily cleaning the house of ash and dirt. His mom says it smells terrible, and they also have a tree down on the garage. These are small causalities, considering how much more people have lost. It really is mind boggling and causes one to pause and consider what is worth complaining about.
Here in Florida, the big talk today is the weather radar. It has been, brace yourself, raining all day long, which has put a damper on both spirits and the Halloween Fall Festival. I spoke with head PTA mom today and we discussed options for plan B and where the booths will be held if we get rained out. This is very probable. She claims there has been no rain in 6 months and now it is all coming in these past few weeks. Interesting. I feel like it has not stopped raining since we arrived here. I can think of 3 or 4 days that were actually sunny and nice, without any intermittent rain, despite heat and humidity that causes severe sluggishness and depression. Sometimes, I just feel so desperate for fresh air from outside, to open the windows and let it come in with the breeze. Then I remember, there is no breeze here....it just doesn't happen.
Yesterday was a milestone, however, in that I turned off the air conditioning for one wing of the house. It actually was cool enough to open the windows in the kitchen and allow the air in from off the pool area. This did so much good for my attitude and feeling of AC claustrophobia. I am feeling so much more hopeful when I think the weather just may break one day soon. I don't care what people say or how "nice" everyone promises winter will be here. I will take chilly mornings and evenings of Southern California, because I just cannot live with the heat and humidity for much longer. It just does not make everything else worth it. My friend, Berta, likes to always say, "It's just weather, who cares?" But, really, I do care and I cannot pretend like it doesn't affect me.
I really enjoyed chatting it up with some characters poolside last night while Owen swam. There are some really nice swim team parents who genuinely care about how we are adjusting (or not so much) and how things are going in the school and otherwise. There are so very many nice people here who seem to like me, despite my wretched attitude about their town and state. They are still so warm and welcoming to me, and it feels good to be loved in that way. Tonight, Fall Festival where I am sure the kids will eat their weight in junk food and I will feel like a bad parent for allowing it to happen. Tomorrow morning, "The Killer Loop" of 21 miles again with some crazies who love it (including myself), then a costume parade for the kids, followed by a party at the house of a woman I met at tennis, who I just love. She is adorable and sweet, a petite pixie of a thing, with a huge beautiful smile and two beautiful girls who look just like her with their blond hair and clear blue eyes. Messina has gone to great lengths to plan her Halloween bash and we are ever so excited to participate in the festivities. Sunday is brunch with the neighbors across the street at their country club. This is apparently the en vogue thing to do; everyone seems to belong to one club or another around here, there are so many to chose from. After bunch, the pumpkin carving contest at another neighbor's big phat beach house up the street. There is a ton on the docket,which is how I like it since it keeps me distracted from things that concern me.
My buddies are running the Marine Corps Marathon this weekend, so we are sending them thoughts of cool weather and strength for the mountains they will face. Funny how in SD, everyone worries about what the weather will be doing on race day, "Is it going to be hot?" with never a thought of elevation. But here, all of my running friends never even mention the weather, but the obsession is, "Is there elevation? Will there be inclines?" and on and on. Isn't it funny the things we stress about? My concerns are not so much about elevation or running in the heat. My biggest concern is that my kids make it through this school district unscathed. We all need our issues to have an ulcer over.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
More Of The Same
Today was more humidity, more rain, more things to do on the never-ending list. We ran around and did a million errands, did gymnastics, made it to school for Pottery Night, finished homework, and on and on. The list of phone calls was endless, with people to connect with in both LA and SD. The house is far too big and never gets cleaned sufficiently (note to self: ask husband to get on board with the idea of a housekeeper)to my standards. There simply are not enough hours in the day to make it all happen.
My daughter and I always play the High and Low Game where we recount our day and tell each other our best and worst event of the day. Today my high was hanging out with the kids at the local smoothie place after school. My low was in the pool this morning when the coach was not quite so generous with compliments for my stroke. I was really off in my timing today....tired after the track workout we did and felt sluggish in the water. I've been cutting back on caffeine and it is killing me.
My daughter and I always play the High and Low Game where we recount our day and tell each other our best and worst event of the day. Today my high was hanging out with the kids at the local smoothie place after school. My low was in the pool this morning when the coach was not quite so generous with compliments for my stroke. I was really off in my timing today....tired after the track workout we did and felt sluggish in the water. I've been cutting back on caffeine and it is killing me.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Grief
I think I am still simply grieving the loss of my old life. Things here are fine. They are even nice at times. I think I know why people like it here so much in this beach community, but I still feel like no one truly understands me. Even my husband has completely tired of my depression and lacks any sympathy for my feeling of isolation. I know it is not intentional, but he has no way to relate to loss I feel, since we crave such different things most often. It was like a breath of fresh air to have my friend, Berta, here from Georgia this weekend. She grew up in LA and we are like sisters the way we communicate. We complete each others sentences and finish each others jokes. It was a great weekend, but it left me feeling empty and so homesick when she and her family had to fly out of here again. Life felt somehow bleak again.
The weekend was full of activities. One thing I can say about Vero, is there is no shortage of things to do here for families with kids. Saturday began with Marc and Owen running another 5K. Marc won overall (is this getting boring to you yet?) and Owen took third in the 14 and under age group with a PR of 41:05. I am so completely proud of her since she set her sights on a PR and, to use her words, "smoked that little girl" at the finish. In effect, she stalked a little girl who, was probably 7 or 8 years old, and was out in front of her the whole way. Owen took her in the very end because she ran a smart race. This sweet little towhead of a competitor, who kept looking over her shoulder the whole way, was passed by my girl in the last 1/2 mile or so. Basically, Owen took the medal right out of her hands and I know that cutie was disappointed. But, I have to admit, I was so proud of Owen for working hard to get her in the end, not knowing the age divisions or where they would place at the finish. Marc had a PR, too, which is so great, and we are so proud. Success for him seems to come so easily in sports. Success for me was the boy behaved in the jogging stroller and sat tight the whole way, happy to take in the sights and relax in the recline position.
After the 5K was a would-be carnival that was (what else?) rained out. We went out to lunch with our friends, instead, to a riverside cafe that is way overrated. Then it was onto the exhibit at the museum and the craft for kids that followed the tour. The evening was marked with dinner from Panera, carmel apples, and then the haunted house at the theatre. The haunted house was really cool, and since it was pouring rain outside, it seemed appropriate to be inside a dismal setting. There are always so many activities for the kids....and into this week is no different. In addition to all of the normal after school sports and extracurriculars, we have swim team pictures, sculpture night at school, 2 costume parties to attend, one brunch and one pumpkin carving party. Outside looking in, it seems our lives are so busy and full of really wonderful people and pastimes. This is true, but I still feel like no one quite gets me. I am really missing my girlfriends, so it was therapeutic to have Roberta here to fill the void, if only for 24 hours.
Today I woke up dreading another week ahead, but I had a huge high when my cranky swim coach used the word "perfect" to describe my stroke at the 6 am workout. He not only said it was "better", he actually told me the last 100 was "perfect". I could have walked on the water at that point, I was so happy. I got in the water a little late after the run, and was happy to see he was busy with another man, picking on that poor soul, telling him he needed a clam digger to go with his stroke. I slipped into my lane, but because the pool is small, there is no where to hide. Coach was hovered over my lane within minutes, barking instruction, but actually doling out praise, too. This was a first. The breakthrough for me seems to have finally happened now that coach Don has completely overhauled my stroke. My shoulders know a pain they have never known before, but at least I feel inspired to feel like I know how to swim properly. It has really motivated me in ways I never thought it would to get me to the pool. I have come to love that decrepit little old man as he hobbles along side the pool. Today, I looked at him and he looked so fragile, telling me the same story he always tells me....he was the "first person to go under a minute in the 100 fly" oh so many years ago. I looked at coach Don and saw a human under the rough exterior and for a fleeting moment, I really liked him, despite his rude demeanor and constant bragging. I felt a little twang of love and compassion for this man who is so difficult to enjoy being near under most circumstances. For a moment, I was terrified to think of him not showing up at the pool anymore and it made me pause to think that I must try to enjoy every moment I have with his coaching and really take in what he has to teach me. He is as mean as the day is long, but he knows swimming. Old, he may be, but sharp as a tack and completely verse in the most up-to-date techniques in the pool.
Once over my swimming high, I came back to the grief of feeling homesick in light of the fires destroying Southern Cal. I am so horribly sad to know that we are not among family and friends at home. I hate that fires are raging, and that San Diego is basically gone and we are not there to comfort and protect our parents. We are not there to commiserate and evacuate and gather belongings and hole up together. I am sad to learn our old neighborhood has been evacuated and the fire rages on with no signs of containment. I am grieved to see my old church (and preschool I attended) in Malibu burned to the ground. As demented as it sounds, wildfires are like an old acquaintance to me. I am comfortable with them, though I do not like them, and they are a way of life in Southern California. The idea of hurricanes or tornadoes terrifies me, but fires are not at all unexpected or terribly horrifying. As long as there is no loss of life, I am okay with fires. It doesn't make sense to me, but I wish we were there with my sister and Marc's parents, braving the storm together. At least we would be together.
The weekend was full of activities. One thing I can say about Vero, is there is no shortage of things to do here for families with kids. Saturday began with Marc and Owen running another 5K. Marc won overall (is this getting boring to you yet?) and Owen took third in the 14 and under age group with a PR of 41:05. I am so completely proud of her since she set her sights on a PR and, to use her words, "smoked that little girl" at the finish. In effect, she stalked a little girl who, was probably 7 or 8 years old, and was out in front of her the whole way. Owen took her in the very end because she ran a smart race. This sweet little towhead of a competitor, who kept looking over her shoulder the whole way, was passed by my girl in the last 1/2 mile or so. Basically, Owen took the medal right out of her hands and I know that cutie was disappointed. But, I have to admit, I was so proud of Owen for working hard to get her in the end, not knowing the age divisions or where they would place at the finish. Marc had a PR, too, which is so great, and we are so proud. Success for him seems to come so easily in sports. Success for me was the boy behaved in the jogging stroller and sat tight the whole way, happy to take in the sights and relax in the recline position.
After the 5K was a would-be carnival that was (what else?) rained out. We went out to lunch with our friends, instead, to a riverside cafe that is way overrated. Then it was onto the exhibit at the museum and the craft for kids that followed the tour. The evening was marked with dinner from Panera, carmel apples, and then the haunted house at the theatre. The haunted house was really cool, and since it was pouring rain outside, it seemed appropriate to be inside a dismal setting. There are always so many activities for the kids....and into this week is no different. In addition to all of the normal after school sports and extracurriculars, we have swim team pictures, sculpture night at school, 2 costume parties to attend, one brunch and one pumpkin carving party. Outside looking in, it seems our lives are so busy and full of really wonderful people and pastimes. This is true, but I still feel like no one quite gets me. I am really missing my girlfriends, so it was therapeutic to have Roberta here to fill the void, if only for 24 hours.
Today I woke up dreading another week ahead, but I had a huge high when my cranky swim coach used the word "perfect" to describe my stroke at the 6 am workout. He not only said it was "better", he actually told me the last 100 was "perfect". I could have walked on the water at that point, I was so happy. I got in the water a little late after the run, and was happy to see he was busy with another man, picking on that poor soul, telling him he needed a clam digger to go with his stroke. I slipped into my lane, but because the pool is small, there is no where to hide. Coach was hovered over my lane within minutes, barking instruction, but actually doling out praise, too. This was a first. The breakthrough for me seems to have finally happened now that coach Don has completely overhauled my stroke. My shoulders know a pain they have never known before, but at least I feel inspired to feel like I know how to swim properly. It has really motivated me in ways I never thought it would to get me to the pool. I have come to love that decrepit little old man as he hobbles along side the pool. Today, I looked at him and he looked so fragile, telling me the same story he always tells me....he was the "first person to go under a minute in the 100 fly" oh so many years ago. I looked at coach Don and saw a human under the rough exterior and for a fleeting moment, I really liked him, despite his rude demeanor and constant bragging. I felt a little twang of love and compassion for this man who is so difficult to enjoy being near under most circumstances. For a moment, I was terrified to think of him not showing up at the pool anymore and it made me pause to think that I must try to enjoy every moment I have with his coaching and really take in what he has to teach me. He is as mean as the day is long, but he knows swimming. Old, he may be, but sharp as a tack and completely verse in the most up-to-date techniques in the pool.
Once over my swimming high, I came back to the grief of feeling homesick in light of the fires destroying Southern Cal. I am so horribly sad to know that we are not among family and friends at home. I hate that fires are raging, and that San Diego is basically gone and we are not there to comfort and protect our parents. We are not there to commiserate and evacuate and gather belongings and hole up together. I am sad to learn our old neighborhood has been evacuated and the fire rages on with no signs of containment. I am grieved to see my old church (and preschool I attended) in Malibu burned to the ground. As demented as it sounds, wildfires are like an old acquaintance to me. I am comfortable with them, though I do not like them, and they are a way of life in Southern California. The idea of hurricanes or tornadoes terrifies me, but fires are not at all unexpected or terribly horrifying. As long as there is no loss of life, I am okay with fires. It doesn't make sense to me, but I wish we were there with my sister and Marc's parents, braving the storm together. At least we would be together.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Nature At Its Finest
I hate nature. Really I cannot stand anything that is camping, bush-whacking, creepy-crawly, poisonous, sharp teeth related. I hate nature and I do not want it near me. When we would swim the La Jolla Cove, I would close my eyes and try not to look at what was lurking beneath me. As much as I hated getting tangled in the seaweed and having it slither under my belly, it was better left to close my eyes and leave it to the imagination than to see the creatures that live in that kelp.
Nature is at its finest here in beautiful Florida. One sight that is very common around here is the landscaping truck. There are several *several* landscaping companies and the trucks are always parked out in the middle of the streets. Apparently the driveways cannot withstand the weigh of trucks, so they all park smack in the middle of the street. So, people do the logical thing around here, of course: they all drive on the grass to go around. People drive and park on the grass all the time. Coming from a homeowners association that slapped fines on people for not having a perfectly manicured lawn, I still cannot make peace with this regular occurrence of tires on the grass. But the grass grows rapidly and completely out of control, so it seems cars do not affect lawns whatsoever. Yes, nature. Snakes love to hide in this thick grass, too. We have a disgusting black snake who lives in our backyard grass. I hate him.
Apart from alligators and sharks and sea lice all of the other ocean creatures one has to worry about here, perhaps the most disconcerting are the ones who live on land. Not just snakes, of course, but the insect variety. There is a wide range of lovely pests who inhabit these parts. Among these bugs are silverfish, mosquitoes, noseemes, and the most dreaded, the fire ant.
Today my sweet little boy wanted to go to the park at 2:00 pm. I dreaded this request, knowing it was 94 degrees out with one hundred percent humidity. Can we get some fall weather around here yet? I have all but given up on the idea that I will ever wear a long sleeved shirt (let alone a sweater), but an occasional breeze would be most welcome. The air was thick with not so much as a hint of wind, and we were at the park right on the ocean. Dreadful. Anyway, 8 minutes at the park and there was a shriek from my son. A blood curling scream that caused me to leap out from under the modest picnic area where I was conversing with a neighbor I just happened to run into, and sprint over to the swings where he was standing. Crying so much, he couldn't tell me what was wrong, until I saw him grabbing his feet, which were bright red and blowing up. Fire ants. He obviously walked over one of their ant hills on his way to the swing set. I hate all things nature.
Really, I will not miss the dreadful weather and how it impedes our outdoor lifestyle. I will not miss the animals and insects and creatures. I will not miss the smothering heat and sticky air. Hmmm, I guess I will miss how nice my skin has become in this humidity. Thankfully my hair is stick straight and I do not have to worry about frizz. My poor girl. She is doomed to have bad hair if we stay here for any length of time.
Nature is at its finest here in beautiful Florida. One sight that is very common around here is the landscaping truck. There are several *several* landscaping companies and the trucks are always parked out in the middle of the streets. Apparently the driveways cannot withstand the weigh of trucks, so they all park smack in the middle of the street. So, people do the logical thing around here, of course: they all drive on the grass to go around. People drive and park on the grass all the time. Coming from a homeowners association that slapped fines on people for not having a perfectly manicured lawn, I still cannot make peace with this regular occurrence of tires on the grass. But the grass grows rapidly and completely out of control, so it seems cars do not affect lawns whatsoever. Yes, nature. Snakes love to hide in this thick grass, too. We have a disgusting black snake who lives in our backyard grass. I hate him.
Apart from alligators and sharks and sea lice all of the other ocean creatures one has to worry about here, perhaps the most disconcerting are the ones who live on land. Not just snakes, of course, but the insect variety. There is a wide range of lovely pests who inhabit these parts. Among these bugs are silverfish, mosquitoes, noseemes, and the most dreaded, the fire ant.
Today my sweet little boy wanted to go to the park at 2:00 pm. I dreaded this request, knowing it was 94 degrees out with one hundred percent humidity. Can we get some fall weather around here yet? I have all but given up on the idea that I will ever wear a long sleeved shirt (let alone a sweater), but an occasional breeze would be most welcome. The air was thick with not so much as a hint of wind, and we were at the park right on the ocean. Dreadful. Anyway, 8 minutes at the park and there was a shriek from my son. A blood curling scream that caused me to leap out from under the modest picnic area where I was conversing with a neighbor I just happened to run into, and sprint over to the swings where he was standing. Crying so much, he couldn't tell me what was wrong, until I saw him grabbing his feet, which were bright red and blowing up. Fire ants. He obviously walked over one of their ant hills on his way to the swing set. I hate all things nature.
Really, I will not miss the dreadful weather and how it impedes our outdoor lifestyle. I will not miss the animals and insects and creatures. I will not miss the smothering heat and sticky air. Hmmm, I guess I will miss how nice my skin has become in this humidity. Thankfully my hair is stick straight and I do not have to worry about frizz. My poor girl. She is doomed to have bad hair if we stay here for any length of time.
Monday, October 15, 2007
The Fish Bowl
We live in one. A teeny tiny town where we bump into everyone all the time and somehow everyone knows everyone else's business and no one is anonymous. Annoying. I think I am peeved because I want to hate all these people so I can leave without severing any ties and go back to the life I want. I want to stop living like my life is on hold and have the kids in schools where I want them, and have the house and yard I want, and weather that is conducive to playing outside.
Today I wanted to take the kids to ride bikes, since our street is so nice and flat, but it was so hot, they were spent before we ventured out. They had no interest in going because it was hot. We did homework and read books instead. The weather is terrible, and no matter what people say about how nice the winters are here, it does not make up for the blistering heat of summer and now fall. I think they just do not know it any differently? People here are nice, but they move at the pace of molasses. I just got a call tonight from the company who is coming tomorrow to install the microwave that needs to be replaced in our house. I knew the woman was drunk the other night when she scheduled me for tomorrow at 9:00am. Her confirmation call tonight was, "Okay, I have you down for between 11 and 2 tomorrow." I said, "No, actually, you crack smoker, I am first on the docket tomorrow. Did you forget?" She quickly adjusted her day planner for me. I think in these parts, they have to allow for the drunk dial daily.
Are people really people wherever we go? I say no. There are some lifestyles that I will just never, never become accustomed to. Maybe it is because I grew up in LA that I can tolerate most anyone. I have nothing against any race, religion, gender, sexual preference or orientation. I was raised in a very open-minded home where off color jokes were not allowed. I genuinely appreciate differences in cultures. But, I cannot stand ignorant people, and that seems to be prevalent here. I really am coming to despise people who are just not educated and who are drunk before 9 am. Something is just wrong about that. Being hung over at that time is acceptable, but getting up and drinking with the sun? There are plenty of people like that in this town. It feels like a crazy chapter in a storybook from the sixties, except it is actually happening here.
Today I wanted to take the kids to ride bikes, since our street is so nice and flat, but it was so hot, they were spent before we ventured out. They had no interest in going because it was hot. We did homework and read books instead. The weather is terrible, and no matter what people say about how nice the winters are here, it does not make up for the blistering heat of summer and now fall. I think they just do not know it any differently? People here are nice, but they move at the pace of molasses. I just got a call tonight from the company who is coming tomorrow to install the microwave that needs to be replaced in our house. I knew the woman was drunk the other night when she scheduled me for tomorrow at 9:00am. Her confirmation call tonight was, "Okay, I have you down for between 11 and 2 tomorrow." I said, "No, actually, you crack smoker, I am first on the docket tomorrow. Did you forget?" She quickly adjusted her day planner for me. I think in these parts, they have to allow for the drunk dial daily.
Are people really people wherever we go? I say no. There are some lifestyles that I will just never, never become accustomed to. Maybe it is because I grew up in LA that I can tolerate most anyone. I have nothing against any race, religion, gender, sexual preference or orientation. I was raised in a very open-minded home where off color jokes were not allowed. I genuinely appreciate differences in cultures. But, I cannot stand ignorant people, and that seems to be prevalent here. I really am coming to despise people who are just not educated and who are drunk before 9 am. Something is just wrong about that. Being hung over at that time is acceptable, but getting up and drinking with the sun? There are plenty of people like that in this town. It feels like a crazy chapter in a storybook from the sixties, except it is actually happening here.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Denial
I think I have some about the pending marathon. I am running the mileage and moving along in training, but for some reason, I simply cannot believe I will be running a marathon in 6 weeks. Kind of funny. I signed up for the race to provide a distraction from life here in Florida, but now life here in Florida is distracting me from the race. I hope that means my priorities are in the right order?
I am very torn over whether or not to take the position as coach for the Team in Training group here. It sounds like a great opportunity and very rewarding in many ways. On the other hand, it will require a huge time commitment on the weekend that I am not sure I have to give if we decide to travel to Boston for the marathon or possibly begin training for a 50K. I wish there were more hours in the day....or that I might function better on less sleep?
Beyond these issues, I still despise the public school system here and wonder why we are tolerating it at all? If only there were an alternate private school that was decent. We are still contemplating homeschooling as an option, but that sounds like a scary undertaking in and of itself. I love my sweet girl and want for her to be safe and sound, unlike the incidents of being locked in the bathroom by some bused-in kids, or bullying in the classroom, or the absurd language that is spoken...I could go on and on. Should a six year old really have to contend with such things? It is a dilemma. I cannot wait to return to something more sane and humane.
I am very torn over whether or not to take the position as coach for the Team in Training group here. It sounds like a great opportunity and very rewarding in many ways. On the other hand, it will require a huge time commitment on the weekend that I am not sure I have to give if we decide to travel to Boston for the marathon or possibly begin training for a 50K. I wish there were more hours in the day....or that I might function better on less sleep?
Beyond these issues, I still despise the public school system here and wonder why we are tolerating it at all? If only there were an alternate private school that was decent. We are still contemplating homeschooling as an option, but that sounds like a scary undertaking in and of itself. I love my sweet girl and want for her to be safe and sound, unlike the incidents of being locked in the bathroom by some bused-in kids, or bullying in the classroom, or the absurd language that is spoken...I could go on and on. Should a six year old really have to contend with such things? It is a dilemma. I cannot wait to return to something more sane and humane.
Friday, October 12, 2007
So Tired
Today we ran 20...maybe a little more. I love this group because they are so easily convinced to do anything. For a haphazard kind of Triple A group, they are all so happy to accomodate. I woke up at 3:20 am (after being up with the little guy a few times in the night...nightmares, you know) feeling exhausted. Walked out my front door to rain and lightening and Lori waiting in my driveway. We ran South to the Country Club to pick up Kimmie, Craig and Lisa, only too bad for me, I stepped in a puddle up to my knees. Because it was super dark, it was difficult to make out the road (read: swamp). We made a pit stop back at our house on our way back North to start loop one.
We made another stop an hour into the run at Barry's law office for potty and water break, back the bridge toward South again. At that point, we said goodbye to Lisa, Kimmie and Craig (who only needed 13 miles) and Lori and I continued on for another loop. That one hurt. The rain picked up, we were wet and tired. Finished at our house and parted ways. I walked in the revolving door, with Marc waiting for me to sunscreen him so he could get to his Jungle Trail for his 20 miler.
Tonight we are on a mini vacation and it is so fun to be seeing southern Florida. Cannot wait to fall into bed.....
We made another stop an hour into the run at Barry's law office for potty and water break, back the bridge toward South again. At that point, we said goodbye to Lisa, Kimmie and Craig (who only needed 13 miles) and Lori and I continued on for another loop. That one hurt. The rain picked up, we were wet and tired. Finished at our house and parted ways. I walked in the revolving door, with Marc waiting for me to sunscreen him so he could get to his Jungle Trail for his 20 miler.
Tonight we are on a mini vacation and it is so fun to be seeing southern Florida. Cannot wait to fall into bed.....
Saturday, October 06, 2007
He Won!
Marc smoked them all...with very little effort on his part.
I got up and ran with crazy Dr. George and Lisa at 4:30 am. We picked up a few more girls (Lori, Laurie, Kimmie and Patti) at 5:00. It was already hot and humid with some annoying wind. I was going to run to the start from our house, but when I opened the front door and a bolt of lightning struck directly in front of me and across the street, I went to plan B: drive to run start and wait for people who are taller than I am to run with. Thankfully, the lightning subsided and we were left with high hunidity. Then came the rain around mile 11, dumping in buckets out of nowhere. It stopped as quickly as it started. That is the crazy thing about the rain here. It really is like how it is always depicted in movies set in the jungle: the sky is seemingly clear, and then it just starts coming down in droves. It was so loud, we couldn't carry on conversation for that 20 seconds.
Got home by 6:35 and we left for the Jungle Jog. It was very well organized with the pancake breakfast after for everyone. The kids loved all the syrup they ate with some pancakes on the side. Marc won the purse ($50) and the respect of the locals. Gotta love that he was so far ahead of everyone else, despite the fact that he made a wrong turn along the way (he didn't know the course)and the guy behind him yelled at him to come back. Not sure why he was looking over his shoulder in the last 200 because it was not even close. Not bad for a guy who hates to run on pavement.
I got up and ran with crazy Dr. George and Lisa at 4:30 am. We picked up a few more girls (Lori, Laurie, Kimmie and Patti) at 5:00. It was already hot and humid with some annoying wind. I was going to run to the start from our house, but when I opened the front door and a bolt of lightning struck directly in front of me and across the street, I went to plan B: drive to run start and wait for people who are taller than I am to run with. Thankfully, the lightning subsided and we were left with high hunidity. Then came the rain around mile 11, dumping in buckets out of nowhere. It stopped as quickly as it started. That is the crazy thing about the rain here. It really is like how it is always depicted in movies set in the jungle: the sky is seemingly clear, and then it just starts coming down in droves. It was so loud, we couldn't carry on conversation for that 20 seconds.
Got home by 6:35 and we left for the Jungle Jog. It was very well organized with the pancake breakfast after for everyone. The kids loved all the syrup they ate with some pancakes on the side. Marc won the purse ($50) and the respect of the locals. Gotta love that he was so far ahead of everyone else, despite the fact that he made a wrong turn along the way (he didn't know the course)and the guy behind him yelled at him to come back. Not sure why he was looking over his shoulder in the last 200 because it was not even close. Not bad for a guy who hates to run on pavement.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Food For Thought
I was cleaning out our refrigerator today and thinking it is much like my life. As dumb as metaphors are, I couldn't help but think this. I have arranged and rearranged our fridge at least 5 times since we have been in this house. I keep switching out drawers and shelves and re-categorizing food items until it feels just right. I have exercised this obsessive-compulsive behavior with other things in the house as well, but somehow the fridge needs constant maintenance. This is the same inventory I keep taking with how things are going overall here in Florida. I like my daughter's swim team,I despise her new school. Marc loves his new job responsibilities, I am so over the insects. I like the island we live on, I hate the surrounding area. I like the house and neighborhood, I detest the humidity and constant rain forest rain.
After a fun play date at the park yesterday with some other PTA moms, I decided I might even be okay with some of these women as friends....but how much do I want to relent, restructure, rethink what it is I look for in girlfriends to make it worth getting to know them? I mean, I never used to put flour and sugar and cereal in the fridge before, but here I am forced to do so because bugs like to visit the pantry. I never thought I would get along with Southern chicks, but some of them are pretty funny. How much of my attitude do I need to clean up and rearrange? Food for thought.
Funny thing happened this morning. It was the first morning in ages that is has not rained (has not, you read that correctly), and yet, I did not run early. I set the alarm and laid there for a minute with every intention of getting out of bed. The next thing I knew, it was an hour later and I had missed the group. I got email from most every single one of them, demanding my whereabouts.
"Where were you, Quad A? Did we sleep in???"
"AAAA, we waited and waited for you, but when the sun finally came up, we decided to leave without you" (the sun doesn't come up until nearly 7 am here).
"My grandma came out today to run with us and said she can take you, Quadruple."
And so on. I love that this group is this feisty and that they hand out garbage already to the new girl. I love the guilt they shovel on thick. I love that they have already given me a nickname. Mostly, I love that I feel completely at home with all of these perfect strangers. This is no surprise to me, since I think runners are runners wherever one travels. There is no fashion show, no makeup, no catty competition or discussion of material goods. Mostly, it is people who spit and sweat and tell off the cuff jokes and simply want to, well, run. It is the other part of my world, the mom world, that is so much harder to organize and categorize....to get to feel just right.
Our running group is putting on the annual "Jungle Jog" this Saturday. I hope Marc can clean up there and kick some humid ass. There is one guy around here who tends to run and win all the local 5Ks, so I am hoping Marc can get it in that extra gear and move it past this one skinny dude. I think Marc has it in him if he digs deep enough. All of my Sun Runner friends are running/cheering/eating pancakes there, so it should be fun. There are tons and tons of 5Ks around here, but not many fall marathons or half marathons locally, so everyone tends to travel for longer races. Crazy Dr. George is going to Baltimore next weekend for a marathon, Craig is traveling North to Jacksonville this weekend for a half, the group leaves in a few weeks for the Marine Corps Marathon. Marc's boss is wanting to put together a local race that the company will sponsor, so I was trying to convince him to do a half marathon with an optional 5K. I think he is on board.
Because I missed the alarm, I got my run in later, in sweltering heat, with the boy in the jogger and the girl on her bike. I have not ever *ever* sweat like I did on that run. Sunscreen burning my eyes, sun blistering hot off the pavement, it was a miserable experience. I cursed myself for missing my wake up call. Ry and I dropped Owen off at school 4 miles there and then 4 back the same way. When we got to her school, several people came up to me, people I do not know at all, "Hey, I just saw you running...." Or, "Hey, were you just running along...." At least four people commented on our lunacy for running in the heat. On the way home, someone pulled up next to me and rolled down his window, "Don't you get enough exercise in?" It was Owen's swim coach, Scott, making fun of my obsession. I crossed the street, almost home, and saw our realtor waving at me from her Beemer. She later sent me an email asking me why I am such a nut case. This island is just way too small sometimes.....just like my fridge, I think.
After a fun play date at the park yesterday with some other PTA moms, I decided I might even be okay with some of these women as friends....but how much do I want to relent, restructure, rethink what it is I look for in girlfriends to make it worth getting to know them? I mean, I never used to put flour and sugar and cereal in the fridge before, but here I am forced to do so because bugs like to visit the pantry. I never thought I would get along with Southern chicks, but some of them are pretty funny. How much of my attitude do I need to clean up and rearrange? Food for thought.
Funny thing happened this morning. It was the first morning in ages that is has not rained (has not, you read that correctly), and yet, I did not run early. I set the alarm and laid there for a minute with every intention of getting out of bed. The next thing I knew, it was an hour later and I had missed the group. I got email from most every single one of them, demanding my whereabouts.
"Where were you, Quad A? Did we sleep in???"
"AAAA, we waited and waited for you, but when the sun finally came up, we decided to leave without you" (the sun doesn't come up until nearly 7 am here).
"My grandma came out today to run with us and said she can take you, Quadruple."
And so on. I love that this group is this feisty and that they hand out garbage already to the new girl. I love the guilt they shovel on thick. I love that they have already given me a nickname. Mostly, I love that I feel completely at home with all of these perfect strangers. This is no surprise to me, since I think runners are runners wherever one travels. There is no fashion show, no makeup, no catty competition or discussion of material goods. Mostly, it is people who spit and sweat and tell off the cuff jokes and simply want to, well, run. It is the other part of my world, the mom world, that is so much harder to organize and categorize....to get to feel just right.
Our running group is putting on the annual "Jungle Jog" this Saturday. I hope Marc can clean up there and kick some humid ass. There is one guy around here who tends to run and win all the local 5Ks, so I am hoping Marc can get it in that extra gear and move it past this one skinny dude. I think Marc has it in him if he digs deep enough. All of my Sun Runner friends are running/cheering/eating pancakes there, so it should be fun. There are tons and tons of 5Ks around here, but not many fall marathons or half marathons locally, so everyone tends to travel for longer races. Crazy Dr. George is going to Baltimore next weekend for a marathon, Craig is traveling North to Jacksonville this weekend for a half, the group leaves in a few weeks for the Marine Corps Marathon. Marc's boss is wanting to put together a local race that the company will sponsor, so I was trying to convince him to do a half marathon with an optional 5K. I think he is on board.
Because I missed the alarm, I got my run in later, in sweltering heat, with the boy in the jogger and the girl on her bike. I have not ever *ever* sweat like I did on that run. Sunscreen burning my eyes, sun blistering hot off the pavement, it was a miserable experience. I cursed myself for missing my wake up call. Ry and I dropped Owen off at school 4 miles there and then 4 back the same way. When we got to her school, several people came up to me, people I do not know at all, "Hey, I just saw you running...." Or, "Hey, were you just running along...." At least four people commented on our lunacy for running in the heat. On the way home, someone pulled up next to me and rolled down his window, "Don't you get enough exercise in?" It was Owen's swim coach, Scott, making fun of my obsession. I crossed the street, almost home, and saw our realtor waving at me from her Beemer. She later sent me an email asking me why I am such a nut case. This island is just way too small sometimes.....just like my fridge, I think.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Catatonic
I hate it here.
I just had to see it in black and white so I am not lying to myself or anyone else. I hope that in six months, I can look back at this blog and read this entry and feel differently. Really, I am miserable and for no good reason. People are nice, Marc loves his job, the kids are happy...how can I possibly be this glum? I never anticipated I could be this dark, but today I feel hopeless. I feel like I have given up finding the good in the dream. The one in which Marc is happy doing his Director of Chemistry thing, and the kids are perfectly adjusted, and I have found my niche.
It rained today in Biblical magnitude. Think Noah's Ark and you are close to imagining the day. The main issue is I navigate a Sequoia and not a boat, so this was problematic today. Like the case in which I almost ran over our six year old, when she darted in front of the car as I picked her up from school. She thought I was stopping, but I was rolling ahead to allow her more room to open the door on the rear passenger side. The torrential rain was so heavy, I could not even see her. It is by the grace of God that she is unscathed. His hand was on her today, and for that, I am so grateful. We drove carefully to North County for Swim Team pictures, that were (duh) cancelled due to weather conditions. She swam the workout there anyway.
I hate that I was soaked to the bone in the three seconds I crossed the parking lot to pick her up from swim team. Standing, once again, at the car to load her and laughing in spite of the situation: my hair plastered to my face, my clothes soaking wet, I laughed out of fear I might cry if I thought about the stupidity of it all. The wind was blowing gusts of sheets and sheets of rain. Rain so heavy, it blinded me as I opened her door to hustle her into her carseat. How do people live like this, anyway? I laughed a strange and eerie laugh that is not mine at all. I laughed until I had to lay my head on the steering wheel of the parked car in convulsions, with my kids looking at each other with uncertainty in the backseat.
I hate that the more people I meet, the more they tell me how "wonderful" it is here and all I want to do is run home and forget about it. They laugh and make fun of the lack of conveniences that exist, but how they love the "small town". How is it I am spearheading playgroups, joining the PTA, rallying neighbors for events, but I am miserable? I feel like Jackal and Hyde. I want to be part of the community and I am signing the kids on for everything and committing myself to everything, but my heart aches and my head hurts and I wish I could just sleep the day away. I feel like I am trying, but something is just not working...it is not fluid like it should be.
I ran bridge repeats this morning. I only planned on running six, and the wind nearly blew me off the top. The fury of it, whipping along, screeching its presence, nearly slowed me to a stop when I was heading into it going East. I only wanted to run six, but I ran eight simply to feel alive. The only time I feel like I am even a shell of who I was is when I am running. Everything else in my universe is so out of whack, I cannot bear to think about the details. I fold laundry in a daze and shuttle kids simply going through the motions. I nod and listen to my swim coach because he berates me and it stirs some emotion in me that reminds me I am human. Right now I mostly feel catatonic....except that I cannot be a hat rack. I have to live and move and breathe and carry on a household and feed children and kiss my husband.
Even if I never run a step with my old running partners, I cannot bear the thought of being so far away from everyone and everything that was the center of my universe before. Marc's mom sent another package today and I could barely stand to open it. I willed myself to do it because the kids were shrieking, pleading to see what was inside. It's like I cannot bear to really think about what I feel like we are missing from our old lives. I threw away the Zoo News publication from the San Diego Zoo that is forwarded to this address. I don't want to read about their hippos.
Yesterday was a good day. Today was very much something else. I hope tomorrow will be something that won't seem manic when I put it in print.
I just had to see it in black and white so I am not lying to myself or anyone else. I hope that in six months, I can look back at this blog and read this entry and feel differently. Really, I am miserable and for no good reason. People are nice, Marc loves his job, the kids are happy...how can I possibly be this glum? I never anticipated I could be this dark, but today I feel hopeless. I feel like I have given up finding the good in the dream. The one in which Marc is happy doing his Director of Chemistry thing, and the kids are perfectly adjusted, and I have found my niche.
It rained today in Biblical magnitude. Think Noah's Ark and you are close to imagining the day. The main issue is I navigate a Sequoia and not a boat, so this was problematic today. Like the case in which I almost ran over our six year old, when she darted in front of the car as I picked her up from school. She thought I was stopping, but I was rolling ahead to allow her more room to open the door on the rear passenger side. The torrential rain was so heavy, I could not even see her. It is by the grace of God that she is unscathed. His hand was on her today, and for that, I am so grateful. We drove carefully to North County for Swim Team pictures, that were (duh) cancelled due to weather conditions. She swam the workout there anyway.
I hate that I was soaked to the bone in the three seconds I crossed the parking lot to pick her up from swim team. Standing, once again, at the car to load her and laughing in spite of the situation: my hair plastered to my face, my clothes soaking wet, I laughed out of fear I might cry if I thought about the stupidity of it all. The wind was blowing gusts of sheets and sheets of rain. Rain so heavy, it blinded me as I opened her door to hustle her into her carseat. How do people live like this, anyway? I laughed a strange and eerie laugh that is not mine at all. I laughed until I had to lay my head on the steering wheel of the parked car in convulsions, with my kids looking at each other with uncertainty in the backseat.
I hate that the more people I meet, the more they tell me how "wonderful" it is here and all I want to do is run home and forget about it. They laugh and make fun of the lack of conveniences that exist, but how they love the "small town". How is it I am spearheading playgroups, joining the PTA, rallying neighbors for events, but I am miserable? I feel like Jackal and Hyde. I want to be part of the community and I am signing the kids on for everything and committing myself to everything, but my heart aches and my head hurts and I wish I could just sleep the day away. I feel like I am trying, but something is just not working...it is not fluid like it should be.
I ran bridge repeats this morning. I only planned on running six, and the wind nearly blew me off the top. The fury of it, whipping along, screeching its presence, nearly slowed me to a stop when I was heading into it going East. I only wanted to run six, but I ran eight simply to feel alive. The only time I feel like I am even a shell of who I was is when I am running. Everything else in my universe is so out of whack, I cannot bear to think about the details. I fold laundry in a daze and shuttle kids simply going through the motions. I nod and listen to my swim coach because he berates me and it stirs some emotion in me that reminds me I am human. Right now I mostly feel catatonic....except that I cannot be a hat rack. I have to live and move and breathe and carry on a household and feed children and kiss my husband.
Even if I never run a step with my old running partners, I cannot bear the thought of being so far away from everyone and everything that was the center of my universe before. Marc's mom sent another package today and I could barely stand to open it. I willed myself to do it because the kids were shrieking, pleading to see what was inside. It's like I cannot bear to really think about what I feel like we are missing from our old lives. I threw away the Zoo News publication from the San Diego Zoo that is forwarded to this address. I don't want to read about their hippos.
Yesterday was a good day. Today was very much something else. I hope tomorrow will be something that won't seem manic when I put it in print.
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