It seems I never find the time or inclination to visit this site anymore. When there is so little time to be had, I never think to sit down to piece together and compose silly thoughts. Yet, here I am, wanting to put something in print because writing has always been my friend.
Life is busy here and getting busier all the time. As I try to plan for the summer trip home, I realize with the kids getting older, we are getting more entrenched in activities and obligations here that make it that much harder to slip away. In the beginning, I wanted to pretend this was all a bad dream that was going to be over. My life would resume as before after suffering for twelve months in the uncertainty of an uncivilized place, right? I was going to do the time and then get on with my life on the other coast.
Fast forward to almost 18 months later, and we are still here, living as "savages". Hardly, unless you count the rats that like to seek refuge in our garage. After my many complaints about trying to maintain this giant house and wanting to downsize, we are moving into a larger house on the mainland ("Way to downsize, mom," my daughter said to me with utter disdain as we drove up the circular drive to the new digs). Small houses are hard to come by here in FL-is that a function of hurricanes? Anyway, off we go and the work begins now. Boxes, family coming to town to help, and a possible half marathon on the books that same moving weekend. Yikes. Marc's schedule crazy with his company's move into the new building and chaos abounds. When we spin plates, we like to spin at least seventeen at one time because somehow I love the abuse. So, why would I chose to race the same weekend everything is going to hit the fan? I am not even close to being recovered from plantar that has derailed my training for so long. I am not anywhere near injury-free, but I can't take the not running or not racing anymore.
Walking around on injured feet was so utterly painful at first-now it is just par for the course. Even while running, the pain has become a dull ache that I seem to forget about the more the group rambles on. I would rather run in pain than to not run at all. For months, I stretched and iced and massaged and got adjustments. I changed orthodics and experimented with running styles. I laid off for almost ten weeks with little to no improvement. I gave up flip-flops (the universal dress code here) and slept in the boot-then Marc massaged some more. I changed my shoes and adjusted the mileage. Now, I do nothing but I am going to run, despite the discomfort.
In the same way, Florida will never be painless to me. It will always feel as though I am walking around in uncomfortable shoes on broken feet, limping through my day. The more I try to break in the uncomfortable soles, something else begins to ache and remind me of its unhappiness. A neglected something that I have failed to take initial inventory of will begin to rear its ugly head and remind me how bothered I am by...everything.
However, I know for my happiness, I have to try to figure out how to run with compromise-I have to live. The more we make friends and attend events and join groups and clubs and activities, the more the shoes are tolerable. They are not my shoes-jeez, they don't ever even match the outfit!-but for now, they are what I have to walk, run, and dance in. They are shoes I would have never chosen for myself, but they are beginning to pinch my toes less and demand less of my attention, despite their initial repulsiveness. Maybe this state we reside in (for however long or short the time may be) is not so backwards after all, but my thinking that was so all along. I always want the top-of-the line, cutest and priciest shoe; I always pine for a comfortable orthodic, but somehow, the shoe is out of stock and that insert is never the one prescribed to me.
If that insert is not going to be flexible, then I guess it is going to have to be me. I think I am someone who will always require an adjustment to live pain-free. Sometimes that adjustment is making peace with the shoes we have and learning how to adapt. I am a work in progress every single day. I thank God I have a husband who can handle me and friends who uplift me.
