Lesson Learned

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. And the Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all that He has made. As far as the East is from the West, that's how far He has removed our transgressions from us. Praise the Lord, oh my soul, praise the Lord."- Vineyard UK

This song got its inspiration from more than ten verses in the Bible. I count at least 15 places where we are told God is "gracious and compassionate" and loves us, despite who we are. I am an ugly, despicable human being, weak and without direction. I have so many regrets and I am so lost, but He is my compass. I am ready to stop grieving and start moving forward in love. I want people to know Him through the love and light that I know lives in me. Darkness doesn't live here anymore because I am not defined by my location, but by my vocation. It's taken some time and some soul searching, but I think I finally get it.

Puzzle Me

I have come to accept the fact that I have little imagination. I have a very difficult time seeing outside of my own viewpoint, and this cripples me. Working with my daughter tonight on a puzzle game, trying to fit together various pliable pentagons in a specific fashion to create artwork, I could not see the bigger picture and make it take shape. That is, I could not manage to form the intended "princess with crown" and have her take on a life of her own, because I could not see past the directions and what I was imagining she was to look like. I was viewing it all wrong from the start, and the sides would not mesh the way I wanted them to. It was near impossible to conceptualize the end product while lost in the moment was so confusing and miserable. Life imitates art in so many ways.

I ran circles in the dark with Lori this morning. 800 cut downs. We kvetched about life in Vero: the schools that fail us, the miserable humidity that is back like a regretful memory, and the lightning that chased us around the wet track. The weather put a damper on my swim, as well, which was not all that disappointing. Today was gray in more ways than just the sky. The breakfast dishes are still piled up in the sink because I cannot seem to find the time or inclination to do them today. I think I am missing a big part of the picture somewhere here, but I cannot seem to put the pieces together and make it look like something that is functional.