Check, Please

I feel like everyday I learn a little something about myself and the world we live in. Sometimes I think I am completely void of feeling anything at all when it comes to reacting to trauma and tragedy. Other times, I am sure I am a raving lunatic with emotions wildly out of control. I am not sure why some things hit me so hard and other things barely scratch the surface?

I am still completely perplexed and disturbed by the whole shark attack in San Diego. Why did that man have to be eaten by a large fish? On his first swim back in the Pacific headed into the tri season, why was he picked off in such an unlikely place among his friends? Thoughts of large sharks have always plagued me while out in the water, particularly while fighting my way through the kelp out at the Cove, but never did I think someone would really, really be attacked. Perhaps I thought someone might have an encounter with a fish that could devastate, but not really be savagely and gruesomely eaten in that manner. This haunts me at night when I think about getting in the ocean again.

Perspective is always a good thing and I realize when we take on the wild, we do not always win. This is why I hate nature...I despise it. For as much as we eat all things natural in our house, I really do not appreciate the animal part of nature's offerings. As of late, when I feel like I am having a bad day, I think about the misery of this man's family he left behind when he so innocently left for a swim that morning. How could he know how many lives he would impact that day? Certainly he did not think he would become a statistic and be Googled by the masses.

Back to lesser complaints, my foot is acting up and not so happy about all the mileage I am running these days. I just signed up for Marine Corps marathon in fall so that I have another little something to look forward to when we return after a summer hiatus. Sometimes so many things around here seem so bleak, then I tell myself, "Well, at least I wasn't sampled by a shark today". Today the blues have crept back in after I said good bye to my brother at the airport. He understands my pain in ways other people do not seem to engage or want to entertain, which is okay. It almost killed me to let go of him when he stepped out of my car and as my son said through choked back tears, "I like when Unc-ie goes back to Los Angeles" as if trying to convince himself he was happy to see his beloved uncle leave. How did it come to this again?

I am still high from our Team's successful completion of each of their events, as well as my girl's first triathlon. She was a hero last weekend, so calm and collected in a field of 800 athletes, unfazed and unscathed by course or characters. Though she accidentally swam an extra 50, she is an amazing gem and I adore the child she is. Standing at the finish in all her glory, with her shorts hanging off her slight frame, race chip around her ankle, and medal around her neck, was one of my proudest moments. Again, these are the things that make it worthwhile and I will worship the One who makes it all possible. Please, God, don't let me ever know the pain of losing someone I love to the jaws of a shark. Why does it take a tragedy to make us feel alive? Only then do we appreciate how much we have, even while living among the sandy dunes of Florida. I still wish we could be done here.