I Defeated Myself, More Accurately

This is the word from the coach and her word is the law, right? My track coach told me I left my race on the training course by running a 26 mile marathon 5 weeks out, followed by 18 miles at pace, 22 miles at pace, 22 miles faster than race pace, and then 8 miles where I felt dead but dragged myself along at pace. She was not surprised to learn my LA time.
I ran too fast on those long runs. The mileage was acceptable, but not the pace. Interesting. I ruined my race with my training that I felt so good about. I felt so good while training. How can something that feels so right be so wrong? Dunno. We cannot always operate on emotions, I guess. Sometimes we need to face the consequences of our actions and take responsibility for the repercussions. The marathon didn't beat me. I beat myself (or, beat myself up?).
I think I feel better about this. It is not as scary of a prospect. I am more in control of my destiny, not the Monster that I thought was behind the wheel. It seems more tangable and maybe even fixable. It is not this huge enigma now. There might actually be an equation I can work out. Can I really maybe fix it? I simply cannot put my mind around the fact that I have to give up my Kenyan running partner and run 45 to 60 seconds slower per mile for my long runs. That sounds, well, slow. Bummer. I am willing to try, however, and see where it takes me for Rock N Roll and maybe even Long Beach? I am thinking about kissing the idea of the CAF Half Ironman goodbye and making this a marathoning year. Something about that sounds very romantic. My love affair with 26.2 continues.....