Anything but Down

This week has brought a lot of exercise in the pool and a little bike time. Mostly, I think the time was used for exercise in soul-searching and self-analysis. I was supposed to run today, but I felt sick and completely achey. I think some of it is post-marathon paralysis, like my immune system is completely stripped, but a ton of it really is post-marathon blues.

It happens everytime, so I am not sure why I am still taken off guard. A week or so after the race, I feel completely depressed. I cannot totally blame a disappointing race time for this phenomenon. Yes, my hubris was checked at the door by mile 16, but there is so much more going on, I think. The emotional battle I waged with my sister this week, the complication of all the relationships in my life, added to the fact that I ran exactly one mile in the last 6 days, was a recipe for disaster. It all came to the surface Friday night. Lying in bed, recapping the week with hubby, I felt the tears sloshing around inside me, rising up to my eye balls, threatening to seap out and reveal my fragile state. I tired pushing them back down, but it was a losing battle. "I am totally exhausted......." were the only words I could make audible before the breakdown came in sobs. In analyzing the emotions, the bottom line is this: I need to choose another race-fast! Yes, there are a few on the books, but I want another long running race. I think the Bulldog might be the answer. What better way to comfort myself than with a 50K?

Today, my head is pounding and my body aches all over from flu-like symptoms. I cannot really put my mind around the distance. But in some sick and twisted way, it sounds like so much fun. Even on trail, which I typically dread, it almost sounds really appealing. Really, I hate nature and bush-wacking through tick country, but the race is in my mom's backyard, so babysitting is one less thing I have to think about. It is so convenient in so many ways. Drive up to LA, drop the kids with grandma, and run a 50K, some strange distance I have never covered in one shot. What the heck. Why not? Perhaps I don't need that anti-depressant perscription, after all.