Loss of Words

I have no words. I am all out. I am still in disbelief that we are really leaving this town. Moving on, moving out, moving up, or shall I say, down South? I feel numb. There are no words to descibe the loss I feel.

I tried to explain to my boy this morning that we will be saying goodbye to our house and this neighborhood and taking a plane to a new state. I told him his sister would start a new school and he would start school. He couldn't get past that statement. "Mommy, will you stay-stay with me?"

Somehow, I think this is the calm before the storm. Though all of my emotions feel turbulent inside of me, I have a feeling the worst yet to come. Between me trying to navigate and dance around my own sadness and nausea over the move, I am going to have to deflect the hard questions from the kids about why we are really leaving. I wonder how much of the impact they are going to feel? People keep telling me how resilient kids are and how they are flexible and able to bounce back. But how will I keep the pieces together to show them the way?

How will this California girl ever survive out of her element, if even for what she hopes is a short period of time? Days run into weeks and weeks bleed into months and then the years are passing fast. I simply hope we can work our way back before all of the precious ones are gone.